My husband decided to write out what it is like, from a father's perspective, to hear horrible stories of abuse from our kids. It is pretty powerful.
It started with a nightmare. She was alone with her grandpa... he did things to her...
Have you ever had that moment when you daughter tells you she was raped as a child and it tears your heart out, even though you were expecting it? No? I have. And it was every bit as awful as you can imagine. What were once just sleep terrors, bad enough to make her wet the bed, are now an insight into her world as a child. They aren't dreams, their memories, so powerful that she doesn't know where she is when she wakes up. So powerful that when I look at her, sometimes I forget where and who I am and I wish to cease being a Christian and long to be a vigilante. I want justice for my girl. I want to hurt those who hurt her, but more than that, I want peace for her life and healing for her heart. So, when my warrior’s heart beats fast with anger at her circumstance, I grab ahold of it and lead it in a new direction. Instead of throwing fist, I give hugs. Instead of words of anger, directed at the men who stole her childhood and tried to steal her life, I speak soothing words of love, and acceptance to a hurt child buried deep inside her heart. Instead of boiling rage, I plead with God to give me overflowing love, which he delivers and I pour out into her.
Today I learned what it really means to be a warrior, a man worth calling a man. Every day I battle instinct, and fight the taint of the world and the wicked men who live in it. I fight to find love and healing in the most unloving and broken time in a child's life. I fight for myself, I fight because God called me to fight, I fight for my girls so that through all the crap, the hurt, the pain, the crushing blow that rape delivers to a child's self-esteem, they will have a chance at life. And if fight is all I do in my life, I am ok with that.
And though it all started with a nightmare, alone with her grandpa while he did things to her... I stand with her now, and God stands with us both.
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day ...” - Psalms 91:1-16
No comments:
Post a Comment