You set up parameters for a reason.
While getting licensed, you will be asked in a hundred different ways to set up parameters for the kinds of kids that you are willing to take. It is beyond age, race, or gender; you will be asked if you are willing to take medically needy kids, kids who are homosexual, disabled kids, ESE kids, etc. Hubby and I spent months talking about this. We went over ages... gender.... and what medical issues we could handle; we changed our minds more than once, but finally we decided on parameters that we felt good about.
All of that we out the window about an hour ago. My caseworker called to tell me that we are officially licensed!
And then she dropped a bomb.
She told me that she needed a home for two boys (we are licensed for girls) who are out of our age range, and the youngest needs medical attention due to injuries received in his home.
For a moment I didn't care about our parameters. All I cared about was that there were two boys who needed a home and that even though I would be in over my head, I could give them one. I went through a ton of scenarios trying to figure out how I could make it work.... But I couldn't. Two precious, abused babies who need a home.... and I had to say no.
I made the right call. It was outside of what we could handle, and while I am home full time for the next 6 weeks and can take care of then 24/7, soon I will be back at work, and it is unknown if the boy with injuries will be able to be in day care. They need a home with a stay at home mom or dad, and that just isn't our home.
I still feel guilty. I went to Target to pick up groceries right after and while I was check out the man behind me was buying a bunch of baby boy outfits. It was one of those moments when you look up at God and say "Really? you couldn't have led him to another cash register?"
Saying no sucks. But if I had said yes today, to something that wasn't right for our home, I would have denied the babies that we are going to get, who are going to fit into our home. I had to say no, so that I will be able to say yes when the right call comes.
I still feel guilty.
Saying NO Sucks.
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