My parenting guide

I noticed the other day that I behave with Snow White's therapist the way that parent's of infants behave with their pediatricians.

Every unusual burp, bump, croak or eye blink, new parents are on the  phone asking questions about autism, demanding tests and basically freaking out.

I am the same way. Except instead of burps, bumps, and eye blinks, it scary-ass statements that 6-year-olds shouldn't say like, "I hate myself", or constant lying over NOTHING, or stories of abuse that COULD be true but are just a touch too far fetched.

I call, I ask questions, and demand answers.

I am so blessed in Snow White's therapist, and I thank Heaven that we decided to keep her even though she is an hour away. She loves Snow White, and is constantly available for questions. She has the most soothing voice and calming demeanor, and I joke often that I need to schedule an hour with her.

What I like most is her no-nonsense parenting advice. In her view, it is all about structure, consistency, and understanding when something is a problem, and when something is manipulation. My husband and I are also big believers in structure and consistency. We believe that we you act a certain way there are always consequences, whether they be positive or negative. This doesn't change because you are in foster care. There can be understanding, but there can't be an absence of either consequence.

It is the last part that Snow White's therapist is so pivotal. Snow White is a MASTER manipulator, but she is also a victim of severe trauma. How do I know when she is expressing her feelings of her trauma, or trying to put off bedtime for another 30 minutes?

Seriously... she uses her trauma to stay up a couple of more minutes. She is good.

Thank goodness that I have her therapist. She calms my fears, explains behaviors (which are far too often, manipulations) and double checks my observations in her therapy session. I don't think I could do this without her.