Sorry

Wow it's been a while.

Sorry about that.

Life happens and you get caught up. But enough of my excuses.


Things are both wonderful and on the border of crumbling. Since I last wrote, we had an amazing Christmas. This Christmas was without hurtful biological families and drama. I watched as Mulan learned to accept gifts as well as give them. Watching her excitement at having the money to buy gifts, watching her thoughtfulness, and observing her delight when someone loved the gift she picked for them were my favorite parts of Christmas.

Since then Mulan has both improved and regressed to varying degrees in several different ways. She continues to struggle with her need for Male romantic approval, repressed memories emerging and her connection with us. There are so many things that I never anticipated... and coming this late into a child's life is HARD.

It has been so important to understand and define our expectations for improvement and to define what a "victory" is.

But to sum up her progress..... I guess it was Sunday when a member of our church who has been kind of a mentor to Mulan came up to me and told me how impressed she was with how much Mulan has matured. She was surprised, even confused that a person could grow that much that fast.

It's true. Mulan was physically 18, but in so many ways was 12, 15, 16, and 7 all at once. It is good for someone on the outside to recognize and confirm her personal growth.


Snow White's TPR trial has come and gone and we still don't have an answer. She is no longer visiting with her biological parents as they can't provide clean UA's which are now required to see her.

She has come full circle in her desire to be adopted, and is constantly asking when the "stupid judge" will make up his "stupid mind" about her being adopted. She wants us to be her future and doesn't want to ever leave. She struggles, but she has made up her mind which has given her a little bit of peace.


Our biggest struggle right now is school. Some days Snow White is all about school, finding it a great distraction and does very well. Other times she could care less, having been up the night before crying about the unfairness of her life, and the fact that those she does still love will be taken away from her.

Those days homework etc. doesn't get done...and frankly I don't care.

Teachers, even after having the situation explained to them (and I am a teacher) don't seem to get it. The lack of understanding from others is frustrating.


Y'all this is hard. Possibly the hardest season yet. I am constantly in fear that my teenager with the impulse control of a 14-year-old (it used to be a 12-year-old.... I have to remember that) will do something stupid and life changing and ruin her goals and dreams.

I am constantly afraid that today I will have to hear another rape story (am currently on day 4 with no new one and yes they happen that often).

I constantly and consistently ignore my fear that our judge will somehow find legal reasoning to give Snow White's bio parents the 6 month extension that are asking for.

But I am keeping it together. With Jesus, my amazing husband, foster friends, and a little wine, I am keeping it together.


But honestly it is the knowledge that in everything God has been victorious. He won't let failure take us.