Horror Sentence

As a foster parent, you hear awful things from the mouths of children.

I'm not talking about curse words (though they do say those) or "I hate you."

I am talking about gut-wrenching accounts of abuse, neglect or the worst.... "funny" stories that they tell you that are actually horror stories. They just don't know it.


My most recent horror sentence?

"I'm afraid that my mom is going to be crazy on my visit cause of drugs."

Yo-Yo

My brain is simultaneously thinking about everything I could gain, and everything that I could lose.

The Day Everything Changed

I thought I would be happier the day I got to write this blog. I thought I would feel more a peace or more sure of the future.

A friend recently described feeling (in her similar situation) "vulnerable". That word works. As well as the image of fear battling a timid happiness.

Yesterday everything changed. Snow White's case plan will officially be changed to adoption at the next court hearing in March.

The story goes like this: Caseworker showed up and Bios house. There was a 3rd person with a felony charge living there and both parents were high as crap. Mom tested for about everything under the son and dad tried to pass off a ziplock baggie full of water as urine.

For Real.


Caseworker became very angry and confronted them... Bio Mother broke down and admitted that she had been using this entire time.

Unfortunately I think the only one who was surprised about that was the caseworker. He honestly believed that they could change.

A meeting was called yesterday and the result is that the caseworker will start to look for relatives who could possibly be the new family. Failing that they will look to us.

Our major roadblock is that currently the office and the GAL want to keep Snow White and her brother together.  Usually this would be the obvious choice. But Hubby and I are against this for many severe reasons.


This is not over. We will have TPR hearings, adoption meetings, therapist depositions etc. We have a long road to travel. BUT FINALLY. FINALLY!!! We are on the correct road. Praise be to God.

2 Chronicles 20:15

thus says the LORD to you, 'Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's.

They Are Never Going To Change

I read other Foster Blogs or talk to other Foster Parents, and they talk about loving the bio families, and their "mission" to put families back together.

I am beginning to feel guilty that it isn't like that for me (yet). With Ariel, we never met her mother, though I do hope and pray that she can turn away from abusive men and be the mother that her kids deserve. However, engaging her was never something that I felt moved to do.

Then there is Snow White's family. And I will be honest as you will judge me from your homes instead of in front of me. I WANT them to screw up. I am so convinced that they will never change, that I almost worry that they will get better. How crazy is that?

For example: right now it is about a doll. Two weeks ago, they promised Snow White this expensive doll that she wants. She has seen them 4 times since then and each time they promise her that she will get it on the "next visit."

This is what they do. They make these outlandish promises to make their kids happy with them and then never follow through.

Here is the awful part though. I hope they don't follow through. I hope tomorrow comes and she doesn't get that doll. #1 Because it will prove that I am right and they are incapable of change and #2 Hubby and I will go and get her the damn doll.

I can lace this situation up in all sorts of pretty ways. I can phrase my feeling like "All I want is for Snow White is for her to be in a safe home" or "Snow White needs to be a priority before she goes home" or "Mom and Dad have a lot to prove before they get my vote" or even "based on their history, I am more than skeptical."

But when it comes down to it I am rooting for a family to fall apart.

Why? Because I know inside that it is Snow White's only chance. Her only chance to live a happy life. Her only chance for success. The only way she will overcome her tragic beginning.

Doesn't change the fact that I am rooting for failure.

Friends of Drug Addicts

It may come as a surprise, but hard core, unrepentant drug addicts have questionable friends.

Snow White's parents are no different. As I explained in my last post, Snow White would get to her unsupervised visit by having Dina, her parents' BFF, meet us at a park and drive Snow White to them.

This lasted one night.

Upon meeting Dina it became clear that something was off. She either has serious mental health issues or has used drugs to the point where it has caused her brain to malfunction. Know this, I am not attempting to be insensitive or mean. Dina might be a lovely person who would do her absolute best for Snow White.... but some people have handicaps, and she is one of them. Watching her drive away with Snow White was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.

Snow White came back safely (albeit tense), and  hours later Dina tried to kill herself and was forced into a mental health facility for observation for 3 days.

Read that sentence again.


It really happened.


HOURS after driving my baby around THE AGENCY APPROVED DRIVER tried to kill herself. Proving once again that we are the only ones who are putting Snow White's safety first.

Dina was thankfully pulled off of the case and will no longer transport. Bio mom and dad are furious and even petitioned for her to be reinstated as their driver in court. Our new judge (thanks again for him God) is no one's fool and emphatically denied their petition.

It seems that they are having trouble finding someone who is willing to drive Snow White once a week, who has a valid driver's license, and who has a clean record.

That might be the saddest thing. That they literally have no one in their lives who meets those most basic requirements.

Of course the real saddest thing is that if Snow White goes back with them she will have no one in her life who meets those basic requirements either.

Morons

I am convinced that 90% of caseworkers are morons.

Five days after Ariel went to her new home, I had to attend a meeting with all the parties involved in Snow White's case. It was 2 hours of bull crap with sprinkles of me getting screamed at by bio mom. Then the agency approved unsupervised visitation. Again.

The caseworker was really pushing to do something called a transition plan. Basically this plan lays out the timeline for removal from the foster home and into the bio home. The GAL had to constantly remind the caseworker that they were not willing to do that at this time and were only here to talk about unsupervised visitation (and they only did that because they felt like they were getting pressure from the judge). So we talked. And talked. And then Bio Mom talked. And then she talked some more.

The whole point of me and everyone else being there was so that we could all discuss concerns and figure out a way to address those concerns. I was able to discuss how I was concerned about her medical well being as well as her reluctance to discuss anything with her mother for fear of yelled at.

While these concerns never were addressed they did get me yelled at by the bio mom and bio grandma.


The end result was that Snow White would be meeting her parents every Monday at a park near our house. We would drop her off with a 3rd party transport (Dina) and Dina would drive her to her parents where they would spend a couple of hours together.

This meeting is partially responsible for my high blood pressure, cost me a day of work and $30 in gas, but as a result we got a plan that we all agreed upon.

It lasted 9 days.

It is survivable

I survived letting her go.  Not because I am tough, not because I found some inner well of strength, it is because she is with good people who will love her and protect her.

It is not like that most of the time, as I understand it. But in this I was blessed. Plus I am confident that I will see her again.

I have so much to tell all of you, and it will probably take several posts.... and I am sorry for taking so long to be able to write all of this down. But it has been hard.... and I tend to be over dramatic so I can't imagine what pitiful, high school literary journal quality, stuff I would have written!

I almost hate to admit this, but I am glad it is just us and Snow White. Her case gets crazier by the day and I don't remember what it feels like to be unafraid or unstressed (see I am still being pitiful).

Anyways I pinkie-promise to get this website updated over the next several days!