Things I am Thankful For

I am Thankful that we have been blessed with the means to care for our two girls, and to take them to Disney World. It was an experience I will never forget and hope to repeat often.

I am Thankful for Snow White. This past month with her has been trying, but only because her little head is trying to understand everything that is happening to her.

I am Thankful for all the times she says "I love you, Mama"; it eases my aching heart when she later reminds me that she "loves her real mom the most."

I am thankful for Ariel's limitless amount of energy. Her constant discoveries, games, giggles and "race yous" make me remember the pure joy of being 6.

I am thankful for Ariel's trust. She has no reason to give us any, but somehow she trusts us and relies on us. I am constantly aware of how beautiful that is.


I am Thankful for my husband, who has become their protector and their  hero.


I am thankful for my Mother. Whose love and devotion to these girls knows no bounds even though she is "Mrs. Sanda * instead of Grandma.

I am thankful for the 10 minutes of quiet I have in the morning. Even though I spend those ten minutes in the shower, it is ten minutes of peace.

I am thankful for the friends who listen to me gripe, moan, gloat, testify, and (occasionally) share.

Most of all, I am thankful for that moment last February when I asked my husband:
 "What are we waiting for?" To which he replied....... "you". I am so thankful that in that moment everything changed and we started on our journey to fosterhood and parenthood.

Because of that moment, I have two amazing little girls in my life, and get to hang two new stockings on the fire place.



*name has been changed due to privacy.

I didn't vote today

So I didn't vote today. Not for some  big political reason, not as a statement on the two men voting for governor, it is not a rejection of one political party or another....

I honestly forgot.

Two years ago this would have been my highest priority. I would have been there before work and worn my "I Voted" sticker proudly. However being a foster parent has blinded me to the outside world and I am forgetting to see the forest for my two little trees.

I talk a lot about how the girls are adjusting (and I do my own fair share of whining), but I am here to say for sure... we have to make adjustments too.

And it is hard.

And you end up doing things that go against your values like not voting.

And then you whine about your life on the internet.

And then you remember that you are taking two 6 year olds who have been abused, traumitized, and nearly starved to Disney world next week.

And things look a little better. :)

Loads of stuff

Snow White's parents remain homeless.

Snow White's caseworker is avoiding her parents, and is tired of their drama. However he did come and get Snow White from school yesterday to drive her to a birthday party that they threw for her. Grandma paid for everything and Grandpa wasn't there.

Snow White was so excited to go and see them, so we were happy too.

Snow White's behavior has been changing. I think that she can tell that "something" is up and feels the distance growing between her and her family. This is devastating to watch because I can't do anything about it. I have to correct her and give her consequences for behaviors caused by parents who probably will never put forth the effort to get her back.

She is being mean to Ariel, who is trying to adjust to being a part of our family and trying to learn to love us as well. She is in the habit of reminding Ariel that we aren't her real parents and this isn't their real home.

She is also pitting her parents against us... questioning our decisions and telling us that she is going to believe her "real" dad over us. We have gone so long working to make sure that we never blame her parents for anything and that we just talk about how much they love her... they have not had the same thought process and it has caused Snow White anxiety.... and I don't think that all of this is her.. I do believe that she is parroting what she is hearing from Mom and Dad.


We are starting to wonder if it isn't time to start.... in a non-judgmental way, making sure that the parents don't get a pass.... But I don't know.

I want to make the decision that is best for her mental state... not mine.


Ariel's parents had court on Monday. They disputed the fact that the agency removed their kids for a good reason and want a trial, which is set for Feb. 5. If mom had accepted that her kids had been taken for good reason, she would have had to stop seeing Ariel's step dad, and remove him from her life permanently. She didn't want to do this, and as of Monday was not working a case plan. However she seems to fully believe that she will win at court and her kids will get to come home.

It just makes me sad to see a girl (she is very young) choose to stay with a man who is obviously beating her. Perhaps she is willfully ignoring the fact that he is beating her kids too..... but this is something that I will never understand. I am hoping she when she loses in February, it will be that wake-up call that she needs and she will say goodbye to the ass hole who is beating her and concentrate on being a Mommy.

Ariel STILL hasn't seen her Mom or siblings. I get the feeling that when she does she will take 84 huge steps backward in behavior and in her adjustment. This has gone on too long and she needs to get used to having vists etc.