Popular Posts
-
I hope everyone had a great 4th of July! Hubby and I took what might be our last trip (just the 2 of us) for a couple of years. The phone wa...
-
Snow White's parents, as of yesterday, are no where to be found. Dad and grandpa are under no contact orders when it comes to the kids, ...
-
You set up parameters for a reason. While getting licensed, you will be asked in a hundred different ways to set up parameters for the kin...
-
No she isn't Asian. But she is strong, unconventional, and full of faults and potential. She is 17. She is going to be the newest ...
-
So the miracle we prayed for happened and Ariel was excited about the pending move. WE made sure to focus on the fact that she would be with...
-
Ariel is leaving. We found out at about 8:30 last night. It is ultimately a good thing. She is moving to a home where she will be able t...
-
I am convinced that 90% of caseworkers are morons. Five days after Ariel went to her new home, I had to attend a meeting with all the part...
-
I am ready to adopt. I am already tired of waiting. I want her to be here. Whoever she is.
-
Two MOndays ago Hubby and I , out of the blue, began talking about taking in another little girl. We thought that maybe we could be open to ...
-
She will be safe. She will be loved. She will be with her brother and sisters. She will be happy :). Despite the selfishness and i...
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
You have to be stubborn
Nicer, kinder, more emotionally evolved people than me will tell you its takes patience to raise and discipline a child.
Maybe that is what you need to be a mom.. but to be a Foster Mom, you have to be stubborn.
You have to be stubborn enough to make the visit supervisor get off of her phone so that you can find out how a visit went.
You have to be stubborn enough to stare down a child until they follow your directions because spanking isn't permitted.
You have to be stubborn enough to not cry when she does.
You have to be stubborn enough to keep a straight face when your child explains in a child's voice what happened to her.... and it's something that should never have to be said by a child.
You have to be stubborn enough to keep driving between the lines when she drops a bomb on you like "_______ isn't my family anymore because he broke my heart to pieces."
You have to be stubborn enough to not pick up the phone and shout at her caseworker for not realizing that reunification isn't always the answer.
YOu have to be stubborn enough to not call her real mom and cuss her like a dog for telling the court that her daughter is lying about her abuse.
It takes stubbornness to not call her former caseworker every time your child talks about her abuse, and tell her that had she done her job and removed the child in the first place, you wouldn't have had to hear this particular story.
You have to be stubborn enough to squash those thoughts that are selfish... because fostercare has no place for selfishness.
It takes stubbornness to be a foster mom.
Which is a good thing, because I am all out of patience with this system.
Phone visits are a double edged sword
Snow White's heart has had a heavy heart the past two days and it has showed itself in tantrums and crying fits.
Plain and simple: her life sucks. She can't have a normal childhood because she is forced to live with strangers because her parents refused to stop doing drugs and protect her from abuse. She can't have normal playdates because there are rules governing sleeping arrangements and baby sitters. She is forced to see her abuser 3x per week instead of playing with the neighborhood kids or going to the beach.
I would have tantrums too.
She has asked twice in the past two days to call her mom. She loved talking to her and the rest of her family, but inevitably those phone calls have led to her realizing anew that she isn't where she wants to be: she is with me. Then she acts out.
It hurts to watch her go through this.... and to all of the future foster moms who are wondering, it bugs me a little. I will never admit this in person, but it is terrible to watch my child hurt and not be the one that she wants to turn to. I am not #1 in her life even though she is #1 in mine.
THere. My selfish soul is laid bare. A little part of me feels this every once in a while. And I hate it.
That is the reality of foster care. Even if her story ends up in adoption.... I will have been her second option. It is a harsh truth for all of you who want to give a home to a child who needs one.
That is why the teeny tiny unselfish part of me (it is growing...it used to be teeny teeny tiny) prays that her parents kick their drug habit and figure out a way to keep her safe.
But even when I cry, or drink an extra glass of wine late at night.... it is so worth it.
Plain and simple: her life sucks. She can't have a normal childhood because she is forced to live with strangers because her parents refused to stop doing drugs and protect her from abuse. She can't have normal playdates because there are rules governing sleeping arrangements and baby sitters. She is forced to see her abuser 3x per week instead of playing with the neighborhood kids or going to the beach.
I would have tantrums too.
She has asked twice in the past two days to call her mom. She loved talking to her and the rest of her family, but inevitably those phone calls have led to her realizing anew that she isn't where she wants to be: she is with me. Then she acts out.
It hurts to watch her go through this.... and to all of the future foster moms who are wondering, it bugs me a little. I will never admit this in person, but it is terrible to watch my child hurt and not be the one that she wants to turn to. I am not #1 in her life even though she is #1 in mine.
THere. My selfish soul is laid bare. A little part of me feels this every once in a while. And I hate it.
That is the reality of foster care. Even if her story ends up in adoption.... I will have been her second option. It is a harsh truth for all of you who want to give a home to a child who needs one.
That is why the teeny tiny unselfish part of me (it is growing...it used to be teeny teeny tiny) prays that her parents kick their drug habit and figure out a way to keep her safe.
But even when I cry, or drink an extra glass of wine late at night.... it is so worth it.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
I am raging
So this is what a Momma Bear feels like when dumb ass people want to endanger her babies. Yes I am mad, and Yes I may curse a little...it is just one of those days.
So this is foster care: you can be having a pleasant day painting fingernails and trying to explain the concept of wasting food when you get a call (that is not from your case worker as it should have been) telling you that your foster child's moronic parents have filed a Petition of Reunification.
Panic begins, the urge to throw up overwhelms you, and you remember ever stupid decision that a person in power ever made and mentally create a picture of a judge who is too dumb to sit in your middle school class room.
Then you get pissed.
So here is the deal, Snow White's parents have a private attorney (who obviously didn't review the petition that they filed because it was riddled with typos and word usage issues) and these people have decided to file a petition the have their children returned to them immediately.
They claim that the agency did not do their due diligence, that the GAL never gets back with them, and that Snow White is lying about the abuse that happened to her while in their care.
They also are angry that she is living so far away and are claiming that because of the distance, living with us is not in her best interest. They claim that her medical needs are not being met and that not going to the same school as her brother is a detriment to her.
They also claim that the threats that they claimed to have made against her former foster parents were a lie and the the supervisors can prove that.
They Lied.
I spoke with the supervisor today and mentioned this petition, she had no idea that this had happened and was furious that they were using her name. She said that she never provided any such testimony and that they did threaten the foster parents.
I also did speak with her caseworker. Apparently in these situations very little is asked of the foster parents. They don't like to have foster parents testify if they can avoid it in order to maintain the foster parent's anonymity and/or good relationship with the parents.
I also asked if there was any reason for him to think that I needed to get Snow White's things ready to leave and he chuckled and said not at all. This is reassuring because if the judge approved this motion, Snow White would leave our home immediately.
While trying to write this blog, many people have called me and talked with me about this. The caseworker explained that parents can file this type of motion at any time during the case. She also explained that since there was no judge or attorney signature on the document, the parents wrote this themselves and the judge will consider the source.
They will also have to prove that their claims are true, but since the first claim that I questioned was proven a lie, I am assuming that there are several other....inaccuracies in the document.
It just makes me to enraged. The fact that they can write down that their little girl is lying about something that no little girl should know about infuriates me. Then they belittle what they know happened as not a big deal.
HOw can they do that to her? How can they claim that she is a liar? I mean, we guessed that they had claimed that she was lying because she is so sensitive about being called a liar, but to put it on a court document.... despicable.
Honestly I am not nearly as worried about this as I was several hours ago. Her entire team believes that Snow White is honestly explaining what happened to her and that the parents are not fit guardians in their current state. Her GAL (who I met in person on Friday and it was amazing) is happy that she was removed from her home and won't agree with immediate reunification.
However this is foster care and Anything can happen. Pray for me. This is going down on August 4th.
So this is foster care: you can be having a pleasant day painting fingernails and trying to explain the concept of wasting food when you get a call (that is not from your case worker as it should have been) telling you that your foster child's moronic parents have filed a Petition of Reunification.
Panic begins, the urge to throw up overwhelms you, and you remember ever stupid decision that a person in power ever made and mentally create a picture of a judge who is too dumb to sit in your middle school class room.
Then you get pissed.
So here is the deal, Snow White's parents have a private attorney (who obviously didn't review the petition that they filed because it was riddled with typos and word usage issues) and these people have decided to file a petition the have their children returned to them immediately.
They claim that the agency did not do their due diligence, that the GAL never gets back with them, and that Snow White is lying about the abuse that happened to her while in their care.
They also are angry that she is living so far away and are claiming that because of the distance, living with us is not in her best interest. They claim that her medical needs are not being met and that not going to the same school as her brother is a detriment to her.
They also claim that the threats that they claimed to have made against her former foster parents were a lie and the the supervisors can prove that.
They Lied.
I spoke with the supervisor today and mentioned this petition, she had no idea that this had happened and was furious that they were using her name. She said that she never provided any such testimony and that they did threaten the foster parents.
I also did speak with her caseworker. Apparently in these situations very little is asked of the foster parents. They don't like to have foster parents testify if they can avoid it in order to maintain the foster parent's anonymity and/or good relationship with the parents.
I also asked if there was any reason for him to think that I needed to get Snow White's things ready to leave and he chuckled and said not at all. This is reassuring because if the judge approved this motion, Snow White would leave our home immediately.
While trying to write this blog, many people have called me and talked with me about this. The caseworker explained that parents can file this type of motion at any time during the case. She also explained that since there was no judge or attorney signature on the document, the parents wrote this themselves and the judge will consider the source.
They will also have to prove that their claims are true, but since the first claim that I questioned was proven a lie, I am assuming that there are several other....inaccuracies in the document.
It just makes me to enraged. The fact that they can write down that their little girl is lying about something that no little girl should know about infuriates me. Then they belittle what they know happened as not a big deal.
HOw can they do that to her? How can they claim that she is a liar? I mean, we guessed that they had claimed that she was lying because she is so sensitive about being called a liar, but to put it on a court document.... despicable.
Honestly I am not nearly as worried about this as I was several hours ago. Her entire team believes that Snow White is honestly explaining what happened to her and that the parents are not fit guardians in their current state. Her GAL (who I met in person on Friday and it was amazing) is happy that she was removed from her home and won't agree with immediate reunification.
However this is foster care and Anything can happen. Pray for me. This is going down on August 4th.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
8 Days
We have had her for 8 days, and it took less than 8 minutes to fall in love with her.
Snow White has adjusted remarkably well. She still misses her old Foster Mom sometimes and has spoken with her on the phone twice. However, she frequently looks up at me and says "You are the best mom ever."
Then she tells me to stop crying :).
The only black spot (besides the looming date in January when the case plan should be complete) is her parents. They WILL NOT stop trying to make all homes unsafe for Snow White. They drove her out of her first foster home, and on her first visit last week, they gave her an electronic device as a present with tracking software on it.
Luckily the young lady, Amy, who supervises the visits is way more street smart than I am and found all of the software on the device before they discovered where we lived.
What followed was a long weekend where we heard from NO ONE about what we were going to do or how the agency was going to respond.
FINALLY our poor caseworker (who had been out due to illness and still sounded sick on the phone) got in touch with us, got caught up, and responded just the way I hoped he would.
I was nice, but uncompromising when it came to protecting my home for Snow White. I explained that if they showed up where they weren't supposed to, the police would be involved. Snow White has been having to shoulder the consequences of her parents actions, and that stops right now.
Thankfully he was in total agreement and we were able to set up safeguards. Amy was hoping that visits would be suspended, but only a judge can do that.
On the bright side, Snow White's GAL is very concerned about the situation and is getting her office involved as well. Hubby and I get to meet them on Friday when they visit our home for the first time. I am so excited to meet her and her husband (they are partners) because she is so sweet, but a little nervous because I know that she will be judging my home to see that is it a good place for Snow White. While I am glad she is going to have that attitude, it is a little nerve wracking.
I will let you know how her visit to our home goes. In the mean time, pray for our Snow White. I work every day to channel the mother who brought her baby with the imposter mom before King Solomon. She was willing to give up her child if it meant that he was safe. I ask God for her unselfish spirit everyday. So when you all pray for us, make sure it is a prayer that Snow White ends up in the best possible place; a place where she will be happy and safe... even if that isn't with us.
Snow White has adjusted remarkably well. She still misses her old Foster Mom sometimes and has spoken with her on the phone twice. However, she frequently looks up at me and says "You are the best mom ever."
Then she tells me to stop crying :).
The only black spot (besides the looming date in January when the case plan should be complete) is her parents. They WILL NOT stop trying to make all homes unsafe for Snow White. They drove her out of her first foster home, and on her first visit last week, they gave her an electronic device as a present with tracking software on it.
Luckily the young lady, Amy, who supervises the visits is way more street smart than I am and found all of the software on the device before they discovered where we lived.
What followed was a long weekend where we heard from NO ONE about what we were going to do or how the agency was going to respond.
FINALLY our poor caseworker (who had been out due to illness and still sounded sick on the phone) got in touch with us, got caught up, and responded just the way I hoped he would.
I was nice, but uncompromising when it came to protecting my home for Snow White. I explained that if they showed up where they weren't supposed to, the police would be involved. Snow White has been having to shoulder the consequences of her parents actions, and that stops right now.
Thankfully he was in total agreement and we were able to set up safeguards. Amy was hoping that visits would be suspended, but only a judge can do that.
On the bright side, Snow White's GAL is very concerned about the situation and is getting her office involved as well. Hubby and I get to meet them on Friday when they visit our home for the first time. I am so excited to meet her and her husband (they are partners) because she is so sweet, but a little nervous because I know that she will be judging my home to see that is it a good place for Snow White. While I am glad she is going to have that attitude, it is a little nerve wracking.
I will let you know how her visit to our home goes. In the mean time, pray for our Snow White. I work every day to channel the mother who brought her baby with the imposter mom before King Solomon. She was willing to give up her child if it meant that he was safe. I ask God for her unselfish spirit everyday. So when you all pray for us, make sure it is a prayer that Snow White ends up in the best possible place; a place where she will be happy and safe... even if that isn't with us.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
GAL
Snow White is beautiful and amazing and awesome and sweet and so completely lovable!
She just met my mother, and it was surprising how quickly Snow White had mom wrapped around her little finger.
Today is her visit day with her bio parents so I had a couple of hours to go over the court documents, doc records and get in touch with her GAL.
GALs are one of the most important people in a foster kid's life. Apparently judges take what they say to heart over everyone else's. I have read where bad GALs have ruined cases and returned children to bad situations.
Snow White's GAL seems amazing! She is a volunteer and really cares about Snow White. She was very concerned about the situation with her former foster parents and was relieved to talk with me and get to know me. I like that she is judging whether or not I will be good enough for Snow White. I WANT her to be constantly working on doing what is best for her.
My heart is so glad, and it seems like I have a great team around me. Our caseworker is new to the case, but he is a veteran and is very experienced. He has a huge caseload (they all do) but has managed to answer all of my questions and responds quickly.
Yesterday went great. We played, talked and spent time bonding. I think yesterday was a high... and I am curious to see if today after her visit will be a low. She is starting to understand that she isn't going back to her old foster home and is working hard to understand why.
I still see God's hand all over this placement. I have placed her completely in His hands, and my wish is that you all include her in your prayers.
She just met my mother, and it was surprising how quickly Snow White had mom wrapped around her little finger.
Today is her visit day with her bio parents so I had a couple of hours to go over the court documents, doc records and get in touch with her GAL.
GALs are one of the most important people in a foster kid's life. Apparently judges take what they say to heart over everyone else's. I have read where bad GALs have ruined cases and returned children to bad situations.
Snow White's GAL seems amazing! She is a volunteer and really cares about Snow White. She was very concerned about the situation with her former foster parents and was relieved to talk with me and get to know me. I like that she is judging whether or not I will be good enough for Snow White. I WANT her to be constantly working on doing what is best for her.
My heart is so glad, and it seems like I have a great team around me. Our caseworker is new to the case, but he is a veteran and is very experienced. He has a huge caseload (they all do) but has managed to answer all of my questions and responds quickly.
Yesterday went great. We played, talked and spent time bonding. I think yesterday was a high... and I am curious to see if today after her visit will be a low. She is starting to understand that she isn't going back to her old foster home and is working hard to understand why.
I still see God's hand all over this placement. I have placed her completely in His hands, and my wish is that you all include her in your prayers.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Snow White
Today I had a little Disney Princess move in to my home and my heart. She is beautiful and precious in every way, and her favorite Princess is Snow White.... So that is what I will call her.
Snow White came to us from another foster family (as explained in the last post). They brought her over, looked around the house, and forced themselves to leave. My heart just broke for them, because it is so obvious that they love her.... and she loves them back.
It is funny how God works; a dozen little things came together that let us know that we had said "yes" to exactly the right child.She is very talkative and matter-of-fact. As soon as they left she started talking and hasn't stopped. Her favorite phrase is "Can I Tell you something?" and then she proceeds to tell us one random thing after another.
Her foster parents (Ashley and Duncan)are amazing people! It was so great to meet them and talk with them, even though they were struggling with the whole thing.
After putting Snow White to bed, I called Ashley and told her what a great night that we had had and how much we loved her already. Then Ashley proceeded to make me bawl like a baby by telling me that Hubby and I were the answer to many many prayers, and that it is obvious to them now that our home is where Snow White is meant to be.
I will write more tomorrow, but right now things are going well.... and we even got a couple of "I Love Yous" at random times tonight :).
Hubby summed it up well as we were getting ready for bed
"For the first time in a long time... I am content."
Snow White came to us from another foster family (as explained in the last post). They brought her over, looked around the house, and forced themselves to leave. My heart just broke for them, because it is so obvious that they love her.... and she loves them back.
It is funny how God works; a dozen little things came together that let us know that we had said "yes" to exactly the right child.She is very talkative and matter-of-fact. As soon as they left she started talking and hasn't stopped. Her favorite phrase is "Can I Tell you something?" and then she proceeds to tell us one random thing after another.
Her foster parents (Ashley and Duncan)are amazing people! It was so great to meet them and talk with them, even though they were struggling with the whole thing.
After putting Snow White to bed, I called Ashley and told her what a great night that we had had and how much we loved her already. Then Ashley proceeded to make me bawl like a baby by telling me that Hubby and I were the answer to many many prayers, and that it is obvious to them now that our home is where Snow White is meant to be.
I will write more tomorrow, but right now things are going well.... and we even got a couple of "I Love Yous" at random times tonight :).
Hubby summed it up well as we were getting ready for bed
"For the first time in a long time... I am content."
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
It is 6:30. Jenny the placement lady is supposed to call me at 10:30.
What the hell am I supposed to do until then?
I am so jittery and excited and nervous! I also keep thinking about the foster family that she is being ripped away from. They (from the info that we were given) did nothing wrong and are great foster parents, but bio mom and dad were acting so inappropriately that the agency is removing her from the home so that Bio mom and dad won't know where she is and won't be able to harass the foster parents.
Foster Mom is devastate, And I am sure our new addition is devastated as well. It wasn't enough for her bio parents to make one home unsafe, they had to do the same thing to her new home.
I want to be a mom, and I know that this is what God has called me to do (even though I yell at him about it sometimes), but every time a child comes into our home devastation will be a part of the equation.
OK. I am bringing myself down so I have to stop writing now! Maybe I will go to the store and buy some water guns etc. so that we can play outside.....
:)
What the hell am I supposed to do until then?
I am so jittery and excited and nervous! I also keep thinking about the foster family that she is being ripped away from. They (from the info that we were given) did nothing wrong and are great foster parents, but bio mom and dad were acting so inappropriately that the agency is removing her from the home so that Bio mom and dad won't know where she is and won't be able to harass the foster parents.
Foster Mom is devastate, And I am sure our new addition is devastated as well. It wasn't enough for her bio parents to make one home unsafe, they had to do the same thing to her new home.
I want to be a mom, and I know that this is what God has called me to do (even though I yell at him about it sometimes), but every time a child comes into our home devastation will be a part of the equation.
OK. I am bringing myself down so I have to stop writing now! Maybe I will go to the store and buy some water guns etc. so that we can play outside.....
:)
Monday, July 7, 2014
4 days of silence; 3 hours of craziness.
I hope everyone had a great 4th of July! Hubby and I took what might be our last trip (just the 2 of us) for a couple of years. The phone was silent all weekend, and then today (Monday) the silence was broken.
At around 3 I got a call for respite, which I said no to right away. Lots of foster parents enjoy respite.... but I am so ready to give my heart and soul to some precious baby that I can't have a child for only a couple of days.
Then at 3:30 Hubby got a phone call for a 5 year-old girl from a couple of counties away. Her history is truly heartbreaking, and her parents are apparently a little unstable. While I was talking to Jenny the placement specialist*, Hubby got another phone call.... FOR ANOTHER PLACEMENT. This little girl is 6 and from our county. Her case is simpler and her parents are going to probably be in a state funded facility for the foreseeable future. We had to say yes to one and no to the other..... We chose the little girl from our county.
I was so excited! I ran to Wal*Mart, bought a bunch of kid snacks and some sugary cereal. We waited for placement to call us back and tell us they were on their way... only to be disappointed.
Placement called us back to tell us that they had found a relative placement for her. Why they called us before they called her grandparents I don't know. I was so pissed. We explained to these placement folks that saying yes to them meant saying no to another child.... and they let us do that even though they hadn't researched her immediate family. I was certain that we had just gone from possibly two babies to none.
However, God works in wonderful ways and we were able to get back in touch with Jenny the placement lady about the 5 year old and she is coming to our home tomorrow!!!! We officially have our first placement. As long as there are no more curve balls (foster parents are out there laughing at my optimism because foster care consists of ONLY curve balls)we will have our first little girl tomorrow.
Her case is going to be tricky. Apparently, her parents are extremely difficult, which is why our agency has decided to move her a couple of counties away from them. According to the placement specialist, her parents have a terrible relationship with her current foster parents. It is so bad, that our agency has decided that we need to be completely insulated from bio mom and dad. According to Jenny the placement lady, our agency doesn't even want us to meet bio-parents. However, I will have to drive one county over at least 3 times a week for visits and therapy.
I am not sure what the next couple of weeks will hold. I am so excited and terrified at the same time. There are a million things going through my head:
"Will we be able to give her what she needs?"
"Will her parents stalk us?"
"Will she fit in with our extended family?"
"DO 5-year-olds still take naps?"
"Should I buy some tear free shampoo?"
"Will she be afraid of my dogs?"
The only thing keeping me calm is my faith that God wants us to have her, and for whatever reason, He thinks that she belongs with us.
I hope He knows what he is doing.... cuz I am not sure I do.
*From now on all names will be fake ones. I have to call people something, but I also needs to protect everyone's privacy.
At around 3 I got a call for respite, which I said no to right away. Lots of foster parents enjoy respite.... but I am so ready to give my heart and soul to some precious baby that I can't have a child for only a couple of days.
Then at 3:30 Hubby got a phone call for a 5 year-old girl from a couple of counties away. Her history is truly heartbreaking, and her parents are apparently a little unstable. While I was talking to Jenny the placement specialist*, Hubby got another phone call.... FOR ANOTHER PLACEMENT. This little girl is 6 and from our county. Her case is simpler and her parents are going to probably be in a state funded facility for the foreseeable future. We had to say yes to one and no to the other..... We chose the little girl from our county.
I was so excited! I ran to Wal*Mart, bought a bunch of kid snacks and some sugary cereal. We waited for placement to call us back and tell us they were on their way... only to be disappointed.
Placement called us back to tell us that they had found a relative placement for her. Why they called us before they called her grandparents I don't know. I was so pissed. We explained to these placement folks that saying yes to them meant saying no to another child.... and they let us do that even though they hadn't researched her immediate family. I was certain that we had just gone from possibly two babies to none.
However, God works in wonderful ways and we were able to get back in touch with Jenny the placement lady about the 5 year old and she is coming to our home tomorrow!!!! We officially have our first placement. As long as there are no more curve balls (foster parents are out there laughing at my optimism because foster care consists of ONLY curve balls)we will have our first little girl tomorrow.
Her case is going to be tricky. Apparently, her parents are extremely difficult, which is why our agency has decided to move her a couple of counties away from them. According to the placement specialist, her parents have a terrible relationship with her current foster parents. It is so bad, that our agency has decided that we need to be completely insulated from bio mom and dad. According to Jenny the placement lady, our agency doesn't even want us to meet bio-parents. However, I will have to drive one county over at least 3 times a week for visits and therapy.
I am not sure what the next couple of weeks will hold. I am so excited and terrified at the same time. There are a million things going through my head:
"Will we be able to give her what she needs?"
"Will her parents stalk us?"
"Will she fit in with our extended family?"
"DO 5-year-olds still take naps?"
"Should I buy some tear free shampoo?"
"Will she be afraid of my dogs?"
The only thing keeping me calm is my faith that God wants us to have her, and for whatever reason, He thinks that she belongs with us.
I hope He knows what he is doing.... cuz I am not sure I do.
*From now on all names will be fake ones. I have to call people something, but I also needs to protect everyone's privacy.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Saying No Sucks
You set up parameters for a reason.
While getting licensed, you will be asked in a hundred different ways to set up parameters for the kinds of kids that you are willing to take. It is beyond age, race, or gender; you will be asked if you are willing to take medically needy kids, kids who are homosexual, disabled kids, ESE kids, etc. Hubby and I spent months talking about this. We went over ages... gender.... and what medical issues we could handle; we changed our minds more than once, but finally we decided on parameters that we felt good about.
All of that we out the window about an hour ago. My caseworker called to tell me that we are officially licensed!
And then she dropped a bomb.
She told me that she needed a home for two boys (we are licensed for girls) who are out of our age range, and the youngest needs medical attention due to injuries received in his home.
For a moment I didn't care about our parameters. All I cared about was that there were two boys who needed a home and that even though I would be in over my head, I could give them one. I went through a ton of scenarios trying to figure out how I could make it work.... But I couldn't. Two precious, abused babies who need a home.... and I had to say no.
I made the right call. It was outside of what we could handle, and while I am home full time for the next 6 weeks and can take care of then 24/7, soon I will be back at work, and it is unknown if the boy with injuries will be able to be in day care. They need a home with a stay at home mom or dad, and that just isn't our home.
I still feel guilty. I went to Target to pick up groceries right after and while I was check out the man behind me was buying a bunch of baby boy outfits. It was one of those moments when you look up at God and say "Really? you couldn't have led him to another cash register?"
Saying no sucks. But if I had said yes today, to something that wasn't right for our home, I would have denied the babies that we are going to get, who are going to fit into our home. I had to say no, so that I will be able to say yes when the right call comes.
I still feel guilty.
Saying NO Sucks.
While getting licensed, you will be asked in a hundred different ways to set up parameters for the kinds of kids that you are willing to take. It is beyond age, race, or gender; you will be asked if you are willing to take medically needy kids, kids who are homosexual, disabled kids, ESE kids, etc. Hubby and I spent months talking about this. We went over ages... gender.... and what medical issues we could handle; we changed our minds more than once, but finally we decided on parameters that we felt good about.
All of that we out the window about an hour ago. My caseworker called to tell me that we are officially licensed!
And then she dropped a bomb.
She told me that she needed a home for two boys (we are licensed for girls) who are out of our age range, and the youngest needs medical attention due to injuries received in his home.
For a moment I didn't care about our parameters. All I cared about was that there were two boys who needed a home and that even though I would be in over my head, I could give them one. I went through a ton of scenarios trying to figure out how I could make it work.... But I couldn't. Two precious, abused babies who need a home.... and I had to say no.
I made the right call. It was outside of what we could handle, and while I am home full time for the next 6 weeks and can take care of then 24/7, soon I will be back at work, and it is unknown if the boy with injuries will be able to be in day care. They need a home with a stay at home mom or dad, and that just isn't our home.
I still feel guilty. I went to Target to pick up groceries right after and while I was check out the man behind me was buying a bunch of baby boy outfits. It was one of those moments when you look up at God and say "Really? you couldn't have led him to another cash register?"
Saying no sucks. But if I had said yes today, to something that wasn't right for our home, I would have denied the babies that we are going to get, who are going to fit into our home. I had to say no, so that I will be able to say yes when the right call comes.
I still feel guilty.
Saying NO Sucks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)