These past 3 weeks have been particularly emotional. There have been so many set backs and victories, lessons and failures, and tears and smiles.
Mulan continues to grow everyday. The lessons are what breaks my heart. Having to teach a child not to give a boy what has hit you a second chance leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
But watching her shop for Christmas..... what an amazing experience. For the first time in her life, she is safe enough, secure enough, and confident enough, to have something to GIVE. She is filled with a spirit of giving and is more excited about giving this season that getting.
While these victories sustain me, sometimes it is only barely enough. Sometimes I long for normal. I long for a child that hasn't experience trauma, who loves me in an uncomplicated way.
And I selfishly wonder, "Why me?"
There are a thousand cliches that tell us that what we are going through will produce great rewards.
"No Pain No Gain"
"Forged Through Fire"
"Baptized in Flames"
"A Problem is a Chance To Do Your Best"
Barf right?
Sometimes you just want the easy thing. The pregnancy, the delivery, the uncomplicated, unhesitant joy of extended family members.
Then God speaks. And I know that it is time to end my pity party and move forward.
Did you know that Kid President was a foster kid?
(copy and paste)
https://www.guideposts.org/comfort-hope/kid-presidents-path-to-awesome
