Maybe this is the beginning of the end

Snow White's parents, as of yesterday, are no where to be found. Dad and grandpa are under no contact orders when it comes to the kids, and mom and dad are no longer living with the grandparents. This will be the second week that Snow White is not seeing her parents, and that is starting to get to her.

However, just like denying a kid their 30th piece of Halloween candy makes them throw a sugar induced hysterical fit, even though this makes her sad.... not seeing them is better for her.

Her brother came to a Halloween party that we had Thursday night (I so wish I could post pictures!), and while it was stressful, it was ultimately a good thing.

Snow White and Brother have a complicated relationship. Their past causes there to be a lot of anxiety and distrust, but the overall feeling that they seem to have for one another is love. Snow White woke up Saturday morning very excited about Brother coming over, but as the day wore on her emotions flip flopped between excited and anxious. It was hard to watch, and I am conflicted about how often we should do this.

He is a good kid, and was actually a lot of fun to have at the party. He was helpful, respectful, and his excitement was hilarious. He was exactly the kind of kid that you would want yours to be at a party. But with him comes a lot of deep issues and deep emotions for my little girl. And while I don't want to keep them apart, I don't know how often I can put her through those emotions (or put myself through the pain of watching her deal with this).

Today would usually be visit day, but since there is no visit it gets to be Pumpkin Carving day.
Have a great Halloween!

Don't be a nice FP

Don't be a nice Foster Parent to the agency; be a damn pushy one. We started out being nice FPs. We took the caseworker out to lunch, we coddled him and thanked him for all he did (which you should do if they do something awesome). We began the same way with Ariel's caseworker..... and got nothing. Ariel has been here for over 2 weeks, and NO ONE from the agency has come to see her, has set up visits with her family, and we were JUST  notified that the arraignment is on Monday.


So... with out cursing or doing anything that would make me stay away from church this Sunday, I starting demanding that things get done. Emailing supervisors with pointed questions and concerns that are laid out plainly and abruptly work like magic. Within an hour Ariel's Courtney worker had called me and set up an appointment for today. Hopefully our other concerns will be addressed soon.

Our main concern, at this point, is that Dad (is seems) is only being investigated for DA against Mom and not against the kids. Ariel has told us horror stories about how he has treated her, and says every couple of days that she doesn't want to go home.

Our home isn't that fun. If a foster kid doesn't want to go home something is very, very wrong at home.


In other news, Snow White's dad and grandpa have been issued no contact orders, and Dad and Mom are no longer living with the grandparents. As of yesterday no one knew where they were.

Advice

So I am going to find the time to tell you all about Ariel and what it is like to learn how to take care of two little girls with less than 4 month's parenting experience.

I will get to think.




However, today I have some advice: make it a habit to check out the local arrests/ mug shot pages on a weekly basis. Today Snow White's dad and grandpa ended up in there, and we knew before her GAL (and we are assuming the agency) knew about it.



Part of me is happy that the parents are falling apart in a public way (as opposed to being able to keep it a secret and get their kids back when they shouldn't have them), the other part of me hurts for Snow White. Not only is it looking more and more likely that we will have to tell her that she will never go home.... one day she will see those mug shots. And they are not pretty.

Ariel

What a cutie. She is different from Snow White in so many ways, and in so many ways she reminds me of Snow White when she first came to live with us. She is very timid, and tends to pout and shut down at the slightest provocation.

We went shopping today for the essentials: clothes, underwear, a lunch box (she told me she never had one) and she almost became overwhelmed with how much stuff she was all of a sudden allowed to get. She went nuts, wanting to get everything she saw.


Then I saw the lice. That was a fun part of today. So through all of the drama I am imagining (I sure as hell better be imagining it) lice crawling in my hair and rechecking her hair and washing everything that will fit in my dryer.

In our state Medicaid is going through a huge change and no doctor will take it (thanks Obamacare), also those who do accept the medicaid won't take what she is currently on and we have to wait until it gets switched over. HOwever I am required to get her a physical in the next 3 days.........


So I ran around trying to find a doctor with no avail, got her registered for school. Washed her current clothes, bought her new ones, did the lice treatment, fed her, took her and Snow White to Snow White's counselor appointment an hour away,  bought subway, did another lice treatment on all of us, and eventually put them to bed.


Tomorrow we should be able to start getting into the groove and get Ariel on Snow WHite's schedule.

So far the girls enjoy being sisters, but I can tell that they will swivel from being BFFs to Worst Enemies all of the time.

Part 2 of 2 : Grace for the stupid

Two MOndays ago Hubby and I , out of the blue, began talking about taking in another little girl. We thought that maybe we could be open to it and talked with Snow White about bringing in a "foster sister". She was excited about the idea, so we decided to pick up the next time that placement called. 

Placement called today while I was on my way to court. 

"Can you take a 1 year old and a 6 year old?"

"So sorry we only have one more room and nowhere to put the 1 year old."

"Can I call you back if I can't find a placement for the six year old?"

"we will see how my court hearing today goes."

SO the motion hearing was a non-event, and none of our questions for the future were answered. However placement called me back and there was no where else for this little girl to go (supposedly).

I called hubby and we went through all of the reasons not to take her:

1 money

2 we are planning a birthday trip to Disney for Snow White and what if we can't go?

3 can Snow White handle it?

4 time

5 we are in the beginning of a contentious case and are going to try to adopt

6 She is one of five kids from a county away and transportation will be an issue. 

There were many others, but it came down to this: she needed a home and we could give her one. So in came Ariel. She is a beautiful six year old with brown hair and striking brown eyes. She is as stereotypical a placement as you can imagine. She is a little wild with no manners, but is eager to please. She gorged herself on the food that we gave her and continued to ask for more. She was so sweet to Snow White, but both will end up vying for individual attention. 

She was placed in case because of domestic abuse, and got taken away from mom for "failure to protect." Dad is going into jail and apparently mom spent the day with her and her 4 siblings all day. Her clothes were dirty and ill fitting, and I had to check for lice. 

She is awesome. 

She reminds me of why we started doing this in the first place. It has been easy the past 8 weeks or so to forget that Snow White isn't ours. She fits into our family so well and acts like our daughter. It is strange to look back on her entering our home and having some of the same behaviors as Ariel displayed tonight. Poor thing was a whirling dervish all night until she exhausted herself out and feel to sleep. I doubt she will stay that way and I expect I will be woken up several times tonight. 

Worth it. 

Part 1 of 2

So this story is in two different parts. So hold on for this.

Remember when I said that foster parenting is all about waiting and nothing changing until it does?
Well this week everything changed.

First Snow White's situation: Basically the parents showed their true colors in a major way. Their repulsive souls were bared before hidden cameras and no one is under any false impression that they are good people. There was a motion hearing today to revoke unsupervised visits, and there is a separate court hearing on Monday where they will decide whether or not to pursue criminal charges.

Two weeks ago we were certain that Snow White was going to be home for Christmas. Now there is virtually no chance that she will be reunited with Mom and Dad.


HOwever...


(there is always a however)


There are two overly involved grandparents who are probably going to try to go the private adoption route. They are already laying the ground work for that. For right now that will go no where, because they have violated court orders in regards to this case. But there is concern about how a judge in a private adoption case would view everything.

Snow White has no idea that anything is going on and I want it to stay that way. We are at the point now where we are no longer rooting for the parents to reunify at all. Now we push to adopt. It is going to be a dirty fight, and it won't be over for months.

And in the midst of all of this.........

Court is a non-event.... until it isn't

After our last court date, the judge agreed to see the parents in just a matter of weeks to take a look at their progress since they were doing "so good" on their case plan.

On the Saturday before court, Snow White had her first unsupervised visit with the Bios. Her caseworker is doing his best to make sure that the unsupervised visits take place in public where there are always "eyes on the family", so it took some time for her to actually get to see her parents unsupervised.

She comes home happy and full of unhealthy food, and for once we thought "wow, an uneventful visit."

Then her transport worker called to say that the parents notice a scratch on her leg and they are accusing hubby of hurting her and are going to make a huge deal at court.

The "scratch": it happened while he was playing and "tickling" her. It was barely noticeable and such a none event that we didn't even document it. So we immediately took a picture, sent it to the caseworker and the GAL. Sunday we waited. Bellies clenched in apprehension, just knowing that they were going to bring it up in court and we were going to have to answer for "malicious" tickling.


Monday came and court lasted all of 10 minutes. Nothing of note happened. We spent more time talking with the caseworker than we did in court. All that worry for nothing.

 This does not mean that we shouldn't have taken the measures that we did. They warned us in class: you will be accused of doing SOMETHING. That is why is it so important to document everything.

What I am saying is this......

Foster care seems to be a lot of important sounding meeting and court dates, but no change.

Nothing changes... until it does.