Welcome to Parenting

I hate it when people respond to my stories with a "welcome to parenting". Like the challenges I face are "typical" or that "every parent goes through this".

I get it in almost every situation. My husband and I are considering buying a house and are trying to think through our storage issues.

"Well every parent worries about storage."

Really? Every parents worries about having 3-5 days of clothes for kids from 5-10 years old?

"The amount of homework kids have is a daily struggle for all families."

Really? Every family has to worry about how to get homework done with a therapy session and up to 3 parent visits per week? Every family?

"All moms dread school projects."

How many moms are helping put together their child's "All About Me" poster and are coaching them about how to answer the inevitable questions they will get asked because your child wants to put all of their foster siblings (past and present) on their poster? How many dread beginning these "family projects" because you don't know if they will choose pictures of their biological family or you?

Hmm? How many?


"Lots of teenagers deal with depression."

I get that. I really do. But that is not the correct response to my situation. My situation is that my teenager is going through some immense stuff because she is just now allowing herself to remember all of the times her mother sold her for drug money. Yep. Sold her.
Lots of regular teens deal with that?

"You look tired. Welcome to parenting!"

I am tired. I am tired of hearing rape stories. I am tired of not being the Mommy that my kids cry for. I am tired of not being in control of my kids' futures. I am tired of going to court. I am tired of wondering if they are going to be snatched away from me.
And Yeah, I am also tired of homework, cooking, tired of cleaning tired of not having a moment to myself, tired of coming home from work and nothing being accomplished. Tired of being the first to wake up in the morning and having the responsibility of waking everyone else up .


"Most marriages go through a transition after the kid comes along."

Many marriages also fail when there is a tragedy involving their children. Most marriages don't have to carry the constant fear of the family being torn apart. Most marriages can plan for the future. Most marriages don't have to undergo constant scrutiny from the state department.


Many parents are dealing with similar and even worse stresses. There are parents who have lost children,  who are going through a divorce, who have a terminally ill child. But no one tells them "welcome to parenting."


Yes I am a parent now. Yes I am experiencing all of the stresses that most Moms do. The lack of time alone, the constant burden of taking care of others, the messy house, the mountain of laundry, the "whats for dinner" questions. I get all of that.


I wish that was all I got.