Mulan has been here for 15 days is it is going really, really well.

I feel that we are coming to the end of the honeymoon phase, but she is responding so well to our positive attention and love that I don't think there will be many unusual issues.

I may refer to this sentence later when explaining my stupidity.

Her case makes me hate the department more than ever. Our precious girl could have been adopted years ago and began a normal life, but desopite being sent to her home 21 TIMES. she didn't escape her situation until she was 16. She has overcome more than I will ever know and I am filled with pride and sadness. Pride that she has come from a girl who was wasting her life and drowning her sorrows in drugs, to graduating with As, Bs and 1 C  and entry into college. I just hope we can continue to help her be the best version of herself. There is so much potential that she hasn't tapped into and I can't wait to see what she makes of the rest of her life.

Snow White's case is going to TPR!!!!!!!!!!

Advisory hearing is August 10th. This is just to notify the parents the circumstances, and then there will be two more hearings and then, God willing, Snow White will be free of them. They have continued, despite the extra months given to them, to use drugs, stalk Brother's caregivers, and refuse treatment from the department.

Bio mother had a major mental meltdown at a previous visit and now all visits are going through a visitation center. We will see how long that lasts.

Grandparents are still wanting to adopt, but the judge has denied them placement and told them that they were more than welcome to go through the adoption process through the department (the department already said that they would fail their process).

There are more court dates, counseling appointments, and logistical issues that ever, but all is good in our home for now. We have a summer of relative peace before the storm begins. PLease begin praying for Snow White. She does not know that TPR is coming, and it will be a blow.

Mulan

No she isn't Asian.

But she is strong, unconventional, and full of faults and potential.

She is 17.

She is going to be the newest member of our family!

Yes we are (sorta) adopting a 17-year-old. The sorta comes in to play because she will be 18 in August and Mulan doesn't really want to go through the process since it will essentially be a piece of paper.

What she does want it a forever family, and she chose us.

We met her while volunteering at a nearby group home for girls. All of the girls there are amazing, but most will end up back with their families...and Mulan just "fit". As usual, hubby recognized our relationship for what it was long before I did. I thought that she could never see us as parents as I am not yet 30. I thought that she would want to move into an apartment like the other 18-year-olds in foster care. I thought she would never want to take another chance to get hurt again.

But, as I often am,  I was wrong, and this precious girl wants a family just as much as a 10-year-old would. I am nervous about the challenges of parenting a teenager, and I am not extremely confident in dealing with issues like boyfriends, driving, and curfews. But I am comfortable in the knowledge that this is all in God's plan, and that this precious girl will end up making my life what it is supposed to be.

My first forever daughter. I still can't believe it.

Court

Not a lot to report. There was ANOTHER  continuance. Basically the agency had so many witnesses that we ran out of time, and since I was a witness, I was forced to sit in a waiting room for three hours just to never be called.

The GAL did call and said that everything went VERY well for us and little Snow White. The therapists painted us as saints and she and the caseworker recommended that she be adopted by us.

Snow White was subpoenaed, but not made to testify today. The therapist recommended that she not be allowed and I believe that will stand.

The Bios all left VERY angry and refused to speak with us. Also Big Brother was able to go home to his caregiver which was HUGE. I am thinking that the writing is on the wall. However, as I write this I hesitate...nothing is certain.

Otherwise we begin waiting.

Again.

Monday is coming

Tried to write about how I was scared of Mother's Day, but it ended up being great etc. but all I can focus on is the court date on Monday.

I don't know that it is worry...... but it is as if all of my focus and emotions are streaming toward this date and I NEED FOR THIS TO BE OVER. 

One good bit of news is that Snow White's therapist was officially subpoenaed and will be testifying on the agency's behalf. Am so grateful for this because more than all of the wonderful things I have said about Therapist, she is extremely clever and has been doing this for so long that I don't believe that Snow White could have a better advocate on the stand.


Though I did notice that 42 of you checked in on me on Mother's Day. Thank you. Seriously.

Don't save my child

So I had this actual experience over the weekend. I have spoken extensively about the need to not be too soft on foster children. Yes they have had it rough, yes you need to modify your discipline plan for some of them, and yes they are currently sad and scared.

That doesn't mean they get to misbehave.

That also doesn't mean that I need you to tell me to go easier on my kid.

That also doesn't mean that my kid needs you to save her.

She is fine.

She is receiving a consequence.

She will get along just fine without you.

She is manipulating you for attention. BACK OFF.

I would go on, but about a year ago I read this article that sums it up way better than I ever could.

http://www.confessionsofaparent.com/dont-save-my-child/

Survival of the Fittest

I have spoken with a lot of seasoned foster moms whose strength and "fitness" astound me. They talk with new foster parents a lot, and lament to me that most of the newbies won't make it.

"They're just not cut out for this" they say, shaking their heads sadly.

Some say it in a matter of fact way, others with a sense of superiority. And still others say it with judgement.

You will find no judgement here. As a foster parent you take a beating. It is kind of like the first fight between Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed. Rocky takes a long and consistent beating. Over and over again he is hit, gets in some good punches, and gets hit some more. In the end, he is bloody, bruised, and without the victory.

Not everyone can take that kind of beating.

I am wondering how many rounds I will last. Will I be fit enough to survive and carry on?

I am ready to adopt.

I am already tired of waiting. I want her to be here. Whoever she is.