She will

She will be safe.

She will be loved.

She will be with her brother and sisters.

She will be happy :).



Despite the selfishness and incompetence of her caseworker, God was able to use her to put our Ariel in the best place for her.

The Final Goodbye. For Real.

Ariel is leaving tomorrow.

That's right. The past twenty hours have been insane.

We found out at 1 o'clock yesterday that she was being checked out of school to go meet her new foster parents along with her siblings. I had to call her while she was en route to explain what was happening so she wouldn't freak out when she got there.

While Ariel and Snow White were at the visits, I was able to get everything we needed for her move (rubbermaid boxes for all of her stuff and a photo album). Then at about 5 I get an email telling me that she has lice. Again.

She came with lice, and she leaves with lice. Usually I like symmetry in stories but this put me over the edge. So the night changed into a flurry of throwing bows into the trash, spraying a dangerous level of poison all over my house and slowly running everything through the washing machine. Let me tell you. trying to keep up with her emotional see-sawing while running a lice comb through her hair is not something I want to try again.


As for her move, she goes back and forth from being very happy to bawling about how much she is going to miss us. She adores her new foster mom, but I think is nervous about her new foster dad.

In all honesty, I think leaving my husband, the first true father she has ever known, will be the hardest for her. He has filled a need that she has had for so long, and I just pray that this new foster dad can do as good of a job as hubby has done. There is no doubt though, that she will miss him the most.


We are all writing her letters, and creating a "life-book" for her to take with her. Basically a photo album of her time here and all of the adventures, and  the people who came into her path. We are also having a brunch Saturday morning so my family can bring their letters and say goodbye.

I hope that turns out to be a good idea.


Personally I am numb with exhaustion. Last night ended very late, and this morning began very early (thanks again lice). I have a feeling the numbness will carry me through tomorrow, but Sunday is going to be a bad day.


Her leaving means my house will be cleaner, my car will smell better. There will be no trails of sand that lead to her shoe pile in her closet.

There will be no new permanent marker notations recording her height on my door frames, and grocery trips won't result in me needing a glass of wine.


But my house will be to quiet. Conversations will be too serious and my trees will be lonely for her climbing them. At night I will say one prayer instead of two, and only get a handful of good night hugs instead of 15.

There will be a void in my heart, and I don't know how much time I will need before I let another precious soul fill that space.

Wish I had something nice to say

Ariel's transition has been a disaster.


We never should have been told that she was moving in December

She is still with us, which is nice for me, but has created emotional problems for her.


Her caseworker is full of excuses and blame for others.


To sum up, here is an edited copy of the email that my husband sent out today. It is responding to her email that suggested that our expectations, and the new home was to blame.... but that she held no responsibility. The quoted sentences are her words in various email to us.

Leslie,

I believe you are misinterpreting the source of our frustration. As foster parents, we realize that transitioning a child from one placement to another is both tricky for the agency and emotionally difficult on the child. Her crying, questioning and anxious behavior is in no way a surprise to us and was expected once we learned her placement would be moved.

Unfortunately, however, we are not the ones that have to deal with the consequences of poor decisions; that burden falls on Ariel. While Ariel living with her siblings is probably the best thing for her in the long run,  “Most of the time we don’t get this much notice” and “Our agency is not licensing this home” are not acceptable excuses for putting any child, and especially one in Ariel’s position, through more uncertainty and emotional turmoil than necessary. Without concrete knowledge of when a transition will occur, suggesting that we “let her know now to get her prepared to transition from your home and into the home with her” is damaging advice. In addition, giving a time line that the transition has no exact date but “will definitely be toward the end of the month,” without being certain of that information, is thoughtless at best.

This is the source of our frustration and I suggest that, in the future, extra time be taken to ensure a smooth transition for the child. It would have been much better for Ariel had we not tried to rush her transition and instead allowed ample time for a smooth transition to occur. She certainly didn’t need to know she was moving “toward the end of the month” if we didn’t know for sure that was true. Ariel is too young to advocate for herself, so I will say this for her: She deserves a much better effort than what she's been given so far.

As for communication about the transition, we have already been in contact with the HER NEW HOME multiple times to determine an appropriate course of action. Since you cannot “give any information regarding the issues or set backs,” a quick phone call to HER NEW HOME revealed that they were having a problem with the fire inspector repeatedly failing the fire inspection. They believe the issue was not code related but that the inspector was being petty. The cost of fixing the issue in the way the inspector wanted was very high so they were trying to work out a compromise and get the problem corrected in a more economical way. In addition, the HER NEW HOME stated that they had hoped the transition would happen sooner and were surprised that the agency suggested we let Ariel know about the transition without a firm plan in place.

The issue with the fire inspection seems to have been cleared up, however, and the home, as I understand it, is now licensed. Please let placement know that we would like enough time to have Ariel meet her new foster parents, pick out a room, etc… before we do the official move. A week should be enough time. We will continue to work with the HER NEW HOME to transition Ariel in the best way possible.

the worst

The only thing worse than attending a meeting with Snow White's parents is waiting for your husband to call you and explain everything that happened......

Kids blame themselves

Both of my girls blame themselves for what happened to them.

Get ready for that.

The Caseworker Let Down------ and random geek references I have refrained from using until this point

Snow White's caseworker is making me wish I was the Hulk.

 And not in my normal geeky way of wishing I had the One Ring,  could wield the  Force, or attend Hogwarts.

I wish it because according to comic books, my strength and ferocity would match my anger, and then maybe I could intimidate someone enough to get something done.

For weeks I have been asking for an update on the case.

Are mom and dad still homeless?

Are they submitting to drug tests?

Are you planning on having a concurrent case goal after January 5th (the nine month mark)?



There have been no answers, no word, no communication until he notified us that THE PARENTS want answers about what they need to do to get unsupervised visits back (unless the answer is build a time machine and go back and undo that thing you done the answer should be to follow the yellow brick road to hell).

So since the parents want answers we ARE NOW going to schedule a monthly staffing to take a look at the case's progress etc. Hubby will be attending via phone, and I am a little nervous.

This caseworker is a wildcard. He has repeatedly said that he is over the parents and wants them out of his life..... which has made him (from my point of view) avoid this case like the plague.

Basically he is not working to see what is in the best interest of Snow White and is doing whatever he can to make sure the parents stay off of his back. We will see what he thinks will be the most advantageous to HIM when it comes time to make a final decision.


Oh and Ariel's caseworker? She wrote the longest email yet. She spent two long paragraphs buttering us up and telling us what amazing foster parents we were, and then ended with "Oh, I almost forgot. We had court today".

Spock could have done a better job of emotionally preparing me to hear that!

WHAT THE FREAKING HELL?

There was a court case regarding my little girl and I was never informed? Are you friggin' kidding me? Needless to say I wasn't especially nice.

Though I refrained from cursing.


In the email.


Which at the end of the day is what counts.

Goodbye to Ariel: Update

So the miracle we prayed for happened and Ariel was excited about the pending move. WE made sure to focus on the fact that she would be with her brother and sisters, and that seemed to be the correct focus.


She does get nervous and quiet when she focuses on the fact that she will have new parents and a new home. Her first questions was "is it forever"?

Once again these children's need for permanency is overwhelming.

This morning she was extremely clingy and hyper. I am wondering if she will crash, or if she will stay excited.


I have no idea what Snow White feels about the situation. When we told her she asked why she had to stay (heart tore at the use of "have to stay) and Ariel gets to leave. We explained that Ariel WAS NOT returning to her original home, but was going to another foster home. She was quiet for a long time, and then began distracting herself with a toy and went to bed.

She did ask if we would ever get another little girl to live with us. We said yes, eventually we will, though we will take some time. We have decided to not take a placement until Snow White's case is decided. That should be in April. (emphasis on SHOULD BE)

How it will work:

Hubby spoke with Kids in Crisis last night and they are an advocate for easing a child into a new home. Ariel will visit once or twice, spend the night, and will then move in. She will spend CHristmas with us, and then have another Christmas with her new family. I feel a lot better about this and I am excited that we get to see her new home and get a feel for her new foster parents.

Truth be told I am a little jealous. THey will get to have her for a while. They will earn her love and trust. They will be the ones who celebrate her birthday. They will be the ones to kiss the boo boos, who influence decision making, who will be the priority in her life.

Yes I am jealous.

Jesus is probably disappointed in me, but I honestly don't care.

Yes I am angry.


I am angry that I let myself get used to this routine and now it is going away. I am angry that I don't get to be her mommy forever.

I am angry that I won't be in her life at all.

I am pissed.

I am sad.