the worst

The only thing worse than attending a meeting with Snow White's parents is waiting for your husband to call you and explain everything that happened......

Kids blame themselves

Both of my girls blame themselves for what happened to them.

Get ready for that.

The Caseworker Let Down------ and random geek references I have refrained from using until this point

Snow White's caseworker is making me wish I was the Hulk.

 And not in my normal geeky way of wishing I had the One Ring,  could wield the  Force, or attend Hogwarts.

I wish it because according to comic books, my strength and ferocity would match my anger, and then maybe I could intimidate someone enough to get something done.

For weeks I have been asking for an update on the case.

Are mom and dad still homeless?

Are they submitting to drug tests?

Are you planning on having a concurrent case goal after January 5th (the nine month mark)?



There have been no answers, no word, no communication until he notified us that THE PARENTS want answers about what they need to do to get unsupervised visits back (unless the answer is build a time machine and go back and undo that thing you done the answer should be to follow the yellow brick road to hell).

So since the parents want answers we ARE NOW going to schedule a monthly staffing to take a look at the case's progress etc. Hubby will be attending via phone, and I am a little nervous.

This caseworker is a wildcard. He has repeatedly said that he is over the parents and wants them out of his life..... which has made him (from my point of view) avoid this case like the plague.

Basically he is not working to see what is in the best interest of Snow White and is doing whatever he can to make sure the parents stay off of his back. We will see what he thinks will be the most advantageous to HIM when it comes time to make a final decision.


Oh and Ariel's caseworker? She wrote the longest email yet. She spent two long paragraphs buttering us up and telling us what amazing foster parents we were, and then ended with "Oh, I almost forgot. We had court today".

Spock could have done a better job of emotionally preparing me to hear that!

WHAT THE FREAKING HELL?

There was a court case regarding my little girl and I was never informed? Are you friggin' kidding me? Needless to say I wasn't especially nice.

Though I refrained from cursing.


In the email.


Which at the end of the day is what counts.

Goodbye to Ariel: Update

So the miracle we prayed for happened and Ariel was excited about the pending move. WE made sure to focus on the fact that she would be with her brother and sisters, and that seemed to be the correct focus.


She does get nervous and quiet when she focuses on the fact that she will have new parents and a new home. Her first questions was "is it forever"?

Once again these children's need for permanency is overwhelming.

This morning she was extremely clingy and hyper. I am wondering if she will crash, or if she will stay excited.


I have no idea what Snow White feels about the situation. When we told her she asked why she had to stay (heart tore at the use of "have to stay) and Ariel gets to leave. We explained that Ariel WAS NOT returning to her original home, but was going to another foster home. She was quiet for a long time, and then began distracting herself with a toy and went to bed.

She did ask if we would ever get another little girl to live with us. We said yes, eventually we will, though we will take some time. We have decided to not take a placement until Snow White's case is decided. That should be in April. (emphasis on SHOULD BE)

How it will work:

Hubby spoke with Kids in Crisis last night and they are an advocate for easing a child into a new home. Ariel will visit once or twice, spend the night, and will then move in. She will spend CHristmas with us, and then have another Christmas with her new family. I feel a lot better about this and I am excited that we get to see her new home and get a feel for her new foster parents.

Truth be told I am a little jealous. THey will get to have her for a while. They will earn her love and trust. They will be the ones who celebrate her birthday. They will be the ones to kiss the boo boos, who influence decision making, who will be the priority in her life.

Yes I am jealous.

Jesus is probably disappointed in me, but I honestly don't care.

Yes I am angry.


I am angry that I let myself get used to this routine and now it is going away. I am angry that I don't get to be her mommy forever.

I am angry that I won't be in her life at all.

I am pissed.

I am sad.

Goodbye to Ariel

Ariel is leaving. We found out at about 8:30 last night.



It is ultimately a good thing. She is moving to a home where she will be able to be with her 4 other siblings. The place she is going is called  Kids in Crisis Foster Neighborhood. This establishment takes in kids like Ariel, who are separated from family, or kids who are in emergency shelters (like her older siblings) and gives them a home when there are no traditional foster families available. There are several foster homes on a campus. There is a play ground, a community center, and it is a Christian organization. This is going to be a safe, nurturing place for her to be. She needs her siblings. My gut feeling is that she will eventually be reunified with her Mom and she needs to keep a close bond with her sisters and brother. This is her best placement option.

That was the logic. Here is my emotional side.

I am going to miss that little munchkin. She has turned my life upside down and has cost me hours of stress, but she has also made my life better.

Telling her is going to be hard. Her biggest fear has been that someone will come and take her away from us, and now I have to tell her that she IS going to be leaving.


Snow White is going to be devastated. Though honestly, I think she will recover and go back to enjoying being our "only".


I cried last night. I will cry again when we pack her Ariel stocking to go with her, I will be a little sad Christmas morning when she won't be there like I imagined.


This first time I watched The Little Mermaid with Ariel this part made me tear up (King Triton's lines specifically) and now I am playing it over and over in my head. I shouldn't be the only one to cry. So watch and see a new layer to this Disney Classic.

My kid

So I am just now becoming familiar with the whole "Elf On The Shelf" lore. I have known that those things existed..... but they look like miniature clown and creep me out.

However, they have also invaded classrooms, and apparently if you touch one of these "elves" then the elf loses its magic and has to go back to the North Pole.


My kid touched the elf.

I can't believe how embarrassed I am. I can't believe what a big deal I have to make over this, but apparently the rest of the class is devastated.


However we have been working with Ariel for a while now on not touching what isn't yours and listening to instructions. This will be a lesson to remember, and I will from now on be using the phrase.. "remember what happened when you touch Snowflake?"



On the entire other hand, I am nervous for her :( she has to face a classroom full of kids who are upset with her and read an apology note. It is going to be tough and she is already the new kid. Hoping it goes well...

Never Forget

As foster parents, it is impossible to forget that we share our babies with another set of parents. Visits, caseworkers, etc keep that fresh on our minds.

But sometimes there is a lapse between court proceedings and case plan reviews, and you become so entrenched in your family routine that everything feels normal. Then something happens to ruin the illusion that this is your life and it will continue thus. 


Beware of that illusion. It hurts when it dissipates.